un poco mas...

ahh! it's the day and i am so behind. how my birthday got here so quickly it is beyond me, but here i am, 30 years old. so here come the rest and be ready because this one will be long.

12. technology. i have seen the exponential growth of technology in my lifetime. i remember the days before cell phones and email. and now i seem to not be able to survive without instant messages, texts, and emails. i love that i can be in contact with all the important people in my life almost instantaneously.

13. communication. i believe it makes the world go round. and though at times it is not my strongest talent, i try my best to let people know how i feel. it is what ties us together and draws us close to one another.

14. gifts. and i don't mean presents necessarily, but more of gifts of love, time, talents, the spirit, kindness, etc. i have been abundantly blessed with more gifts than i deserve.

15. guilty pleasures. though these are not meaningful i enjoy having them. whether it is a particular tv show, movie, magazine, song, or any other form of "entertainment" i am grateful for them.

16. art. i have discussed this in a previous post. very few things move me as much as this. to have beauty created in various forms, the contrast of light and dark, shapes, colors, mediums. i love it all.

17. school. this is pretty much my life. i am an educator through and through. although at times when i am challenged i want to quit, i know that i could never really desire anything else.

18.the ocean. there is something about staring out into that vast expanse and feeling so small yet a part of something greater.

19. new beginnings. i am so grateful to be able to make changes and start anew.

20. hope. i think my life would be unlivable without hope. even when life and experience dictates that i should let go of my hope, i don't. and for that i am grateful.

21. prayer. i could write many things on this topic but worry they would come out sounding trite instead of sincere. i am humbled by the opportunity and ability to communicate with god.

23. music apparently most of the things i am grateful for also happen to be my passions. so with that i ask you to see "passions" and "in a little while..." for more on this topic.

24. simple pleasures. i've feel that i have been blessed with the ability to enjoy the simple things in life. a calvin and hobbes comic, a funny commercial, seeing the sun shine through the clouds, flowers growing on the side of the freeway, a good parking spot-the list could go on. these i consider my simple pleasures.

25. home. in the literal as well as figurative sense. i've been blessed to live in comfortable, clean, warm homes my entire life. i know this is something i take for granted when so many in this world lack a roof over their heads.

26. sadness. this may seem odd to most as something one would be grateful for, but this emotion is so raw and deep. there is a beauty to it that i have always felt. i find it in books i read, music i listen to, or moments in my life that have captured that beautiful tragic sadness.

27. contrast. light and dark. despair and joy. love and hate. hot and cold. i appreciate the contrast that is found in the world. i love it because of the perspective and hope it has brought into my life.

28. memories. i have also blogged about this in the past. i feel so lucky to be able to relive a moment, day, week just by my memories. i love the reminders they give when my hope does wane. or the smile they bring to my face as i look back on moments, whether fondly or with a bit of sadness, and see what i have learned and how i have grown.

29. virtue/purity. i appreciate the concept of being clean, of being whole and pure. not only that, but also the virtuous and pure objects, concepts, ideas, and people that i am able to interact with.

30. gospel of jesus christ. this probably should have been first on the last, but somehow it seems fitting to place it at the 30 spot. at the culmination of it all. as i thought about why i didn't place it earlier i realized that it is because everything i have in my life, everything on this list, i have because of this gospel, because i have been blessed with the truth. to know of a plan, to know of a god who loves me and cares for me, to know of the mercy and renewal that come through the atonement of jesus christ. i am fortunate that the gospel has managed to seep into all areas of my life. i'm not sure how it happened, but hope to continue on the same path.

7 more days...

until the big day (my birthday,not something else:)

life took a turn for the "busy" this past month including illnesses and just work and holiday regularities. so now i find myself with only 7 days until i'm 30 and 24 more things to write about. all of a sudden i feel quite a bit of pressure so...here i go...

7. trials. most will either think that i am insane or attempting to be uber righteous/religiously cheesy. but with all the honesty in my heart i can say that i am grateful for the hardships i have faced. granted, there have been few (which also makes me grateful!)but i know without a doubt that i am becoming the person i need to be through them. i have to be compelled to be humble. i have to have my heart broken so that i am also contrite in spirit and willing to let others help me. it is not something i am proud of, but i am grateful that those less than pleasant moments come, so that i can change in the necessary ways.

8. health. also very cliche, this i know, but i cannot imagine what it would be like to live a life with burdened with disease. i see the struggles and amazing strength of those around me who have to fight constant illness or pains that are out of their control-it is humbling. i get an occasional cold/flu etc., but am overall healthy. all my limbs are accounted for. i see. i hear. i feel. i speak. i think and process. i take all of these for granted much too much and so here, today, i remember how lucky i am for physical well-being.

9. great writings. this is nothing new. i appreciate great lyrics, books, articles, essays, poems, you name it. from emerson and thoreau to hugo, rand, and foer. their words have become a part of who i am.

10-laughter. i adore silliness. laughter is the route i choose to travel on when life gets a little too tough. i have been blessed with family members and friends who have fantastic senses of humor and who i believe are some of the funniest people i will ever know. there is nothing like the laughter of little children or laughing so hard that you are crying and gasping for breath.

11. beauty. i may be too broad with some of these and definitely feel as if i am repeating items from past blog entries. oh well...i have been given the gift of seeing beauty in everything. i have to be careful when i drive because i'll notice the way the sun shines through the clouds or the random flowers growing on the side of the road. art, leaves, faces, buildings, scenery: i am fond of them all.

13 going on 30 continues...

so i have some extra time on my hands, and since i have been contemplating the aspects of my life that i have been grateful for in the last 29 years, here are some more:

5. love. i have been blessed with this virtue on so many levels. my parents and family members love me unconditionally; a gift so many lack in this world. friends that have come, gone, or stayed also have provided care and warmth in my life.

though i have not had "outwardly visual" talents bestowed upon me, i do believe i have been given the talent of love. it may sound odd to call the virtue of "love" a talent, but i believe, in my case, it is. i try to give love to all those in my sphere. despite the fact that i am definitely not perfect at it, i am willing and able to love. though at times it is not returned, i'm convinced that is the only way to live; the only way to feel alive.

6. forgiveness. many have chosen to forgive my shortcomings and flaws; my moments of weakness and my lack of self control.

though it is not something that comes easily to me, i have been given the opportunity to forgive those who have caused pain or sorrow in my life. i know that growth occurs each time.

ultimately i am most indebted to the forgiveness that is bestowed by my savior jesus christ. it is humbling, wonderful, and beyond my comprehension.

apparently i thought i had more to say tonight than i do. on that note, i'm off for now, with, as always, more thoughts to come...

13 going on 30

the illusive 30. a pivotal year, right? it has been looming over my head for all of 29, anxiously waiting to swoop down and capture its new prey.

so instead of focusing on all the negatives that are supposed to accompany this dreaded age, i am starting my "top 30 list of all the awesomeness that has led up to my turning 30." this will be an ongoing post that i add to, since i don't think i can do all 30 in one sitting. here goes:

1-the endless number of "perfect days" i have lived through. and by perfect i mean clear blue skies that contrast the green or red leaves as i feel the warmth of the sun hit my skin. i have experiences these days all over the world.

2-travels. i grew up in south america, lived with my family in europe, and vacationed throughout the united states. there is so much left to see and i look forward to a life of traveling.

3-goodly parents. i would be lost without them. they have allowed me to grow into the woman that i am (i don't know if i even feel comfortable using the woman to describe myself!) i have an incredibly independent mother and a nurturing father, both who unconditionally love me and all those around them. they have taught by example. they are good. they are loving. they are my friends. hopefully i will grow up to be like them.

4-friendships. i have blogged about this before and i don't think i could write about it enough. i remember my best friend sara in second grade and that i cried my little 7 year old eyes out when we moved to ecuador. and the tears came again when i left my 3 best friends in ecuador to move back to the states at 11 years old. once again, the waterworks came(as you can see i might be a bit of a crier when it comes to changes in my life...) when i left my dear friend sara (who helped me survive my middle school years) as i embarked to florida.

and then came my years at byu where i met friends that i will have forever. now dc and california have introduced me to some of the finest men and women who i look forward to associating with for the rest of my life. these are my treasures. these are the ones who i rely on, who teach me, who love me, who make me the person i am.

stayed tuned for the next 26...

passions

our passions are woven into our being and in many ways define us.

i have always considered myself a passionate person. that may sound a bit narcissistic, but i believe most of us are passionate about something.

i realized that i don't think most of the people that know me here in california know what i am passionate about. i wonder if they would even use that as an adjective to describe me? this thought has been quite disconcerting.


so to start, these are some of the things that i consider my passions:
-art. i fell in love with art history my freshman year of at college. those 4 years gave me the greatest gift: the ability to see beauty in everything.

-music. i don't play an instrument (ok, maybe i can pluck out a song or two on the guitar...) and i love singing, but wasn't blessed with a lovely voice. regardless, music is such a powerful force in my life. it speaks to me in a unique way whether it's the melancholy violin, rock guitar, or melodious piano.

-books. "when I read a book I seem to read it with my eyes only, but now and then I come across a passage, perhaps only a phrase, which has a meaning for me, and it becomes part of me." -w. somerset maugham. nothing could sum up my adoration for books better than this quote. it's unbelievable at times that words on a page and become woven into who i am. another quote i love: "we read to know we are not alone" (cs lewis) i read to become more. i read to connect and know that others have felt as i have and have put those feelings into words.


-languages. i am fortunate enough to be bilingual and am eternally grateful for that gift. speaking spanish has become more of a passion for me as i have grown older. i realize what a treasure it is, how it shapes me. not only do i love my first language, but i have this grandiose goal of learning all the romance languages. there is something lovely and mellifluous when hearing anything spoken in italian, french, or portugese.


-education. this is a passion that increases each day. i have taught for 4 years now and it's fascinating to observe this growth. there are days when i am ready to completely give up, but overall, i yearn to make changes, to improve, to touch the lives of those i teach. i hope to keep this passion alive always. as for myself, i am often overwhelmed at how much information and knowledge is left to acquire, but i look forward to a life of learning.

and now i realize, i have gone on long enough. bless the heart of anyone who actually reads through all of this.

some final thoughts.

passions are not only intrinsic but sparked by others. i am often drawn to those who are passionate; it doesn't matter where their passions lie. there is shear joy that can come from associating with people who have personal passions and appreciate yours.

"the road to hell is paved with good intentions..."

for some reason this is a phrase i use more often than not. recently (and when i say recently i mean the past 3 or 4 days) my thoughts have danced around the idea of motives and how we purify them.


usually i feel as if i really know myself. i pride myself (somewhat) in being a sincere and genuine person. but yesterday i had this epiphany: i am so far from who i think i am. it constantly amazes me how i am humbled by the various realizations that will strike me in a day, week, or month.

what led me to this discovery? my reflections on some choices i have made. as i dove deeper into my own psyche and soul, buried underneath all my dark secrets, fears, and insecurities, laid the truth--the decision i had made, i chose for me; i chose it selfishly. i was aghast. literally. i had never really thought it possible. i had done such an excellent job convincing myself, that i truly believed i had made my decision for the greater good.

needless to say, this has thrown me for a loop. i am not quite sure what to do with this newfound information and insight. in these quiet, night time hours i have pondered and wondered-wondered how i can change something that i hadn't realized existed? especially because it is something i not only desire to change, but must change in order to be genuinely happy.

the conclusion i have come to is that i can't do it alone. i have to do it with the lord's help. he is the only way for me to literally become "perfect" or "whole." of course, knowing how to let go of the helm and allow the lord to steer my thoughts and heart is no easy feat. i worry that i won't relinquish the control. and that is what frightens me the most...

happiness

such an elusive concept. a thought that often accompanies me. really and truly, the ultimate quest for most people. there is a deep-seated desire in all of us to attain true happiness and many feel they are far from it or have never felt it. that has always saddened me.

so if this is the one pure desire of human nature, how do we achieve it? what is the formula? is there one? not shocking, but i have some theories on the matter...

what comes to mind when i think about happiness is, first of all, that we are meant to be happy. Yet, we pursue this happiness in the wrong way. we look for things, items, people, to fill the space in our souls where happiness and joy are to reside. we keep thinking that if we learn a new skill, conquer a fear, purchase something, or find that perfect person, we will finally attain this euphoria we so desperately seek. this is our mistake.

as simple as it may sound, happiness and joy must come from within, not without. i know i am not the first to come up with this brilliant idea, but i stand firmly behind it.

i also love what gandhi had to say: "Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." so much unhappiness stems from not being true to who we are; by continually believing that if we can be the persona most of us create for ourselves, then, only then, will we truly be content.

it's not possible.

to be content, to be happy, we need to be true to who we really are. this is no easy task, since we may not like who we are, or wish we were someone else, regardless, i believe we are genuinely happy when we are at peace with ourselves. if we wish to be someone else, to lose those faulty qualities we have, then we need to actually make those changes, so we can become that new person. only then will we attain inner peace and be happy.

this is a life long process and pursuit. it has to be. i believe we constantly grow, change, and evolve so as to always have to reassess who we are, and live accordingly. life is just awesome that way.

living a life in the wrong lane

while stuck in traffic on the 880 this week, i continually found myself in the "wrong" lane. and what i mean by the "wrong" lane is the one that never moves. you know how it is, you're rolling along when of a sudden, your lane comes to a standstill. the reason? if only i had the answer, especially as i watch all the vehicles around me zoom on by. how is this possible i ask myself? so, cautiously (or maybe should i say aggressively?) i veer into what i believe, is now the "correct" lane, the lane of my dreams, the one that will allow me to finally reach my destination. low and behold once again i find myself in the "wrong" lane.
suddenly, the lane i escaped from, the one that magically had stood still while the rest of the driving world moved on, began creeping forward. what? how? do i dare attempt revisiting my old lane? it now looks so appealing and exactly what i need. so i do it. i get over. what happened next should come as no surprise. i am once again standing still.

so why discuss this mundane, fairly daily event for most commuters? because i truly believe this is a metaphor for my life.

and i'm not pitying myself or think my life is terrible, because it isn't, but i do believe that i am always in the "wrong lane" in a number of aspects of my life. i just can't get things quite right. i feel as if i am going along, enjoying my ride, heading to my destination at a good steady pace, and then out of nowhere, i am once again stopped. it wasn't expected so i decide: maybe i can try another "lane?" maybe it will keep me moving? but it never does. it's frustrating. it's annoying. it doesn't matter what i do, because it's always the same...an interesting epiphany.

my favorite tree..

this week i have missed the fall.

spoiled by residing on the east coast for 4 years, i expect the tress in california to give me the same autumnal greeting (apparently i have very high expectations when it comes to my surroundings:). so, while walking around stanford campus yesterday, i noticed a few of them giving me a mere glimpse of what their east coast brothers are capable of.

i used to run by my favorite tree off of army-navy drive in arlington. standing tall right at the center of where the road forked, it was a happy distraction to my huffing and puffing. every october i looked forward to seeing it's metamorphosis from luscious green to various hues of orange, red, and yellow. not only did i love the colors, but i loved how they appeared, different every time, creating a simple part of nature into art.

and so, i miss my tree.

forgotten friendships

i felt reflective today. not that is should be any surprise to anyone, since i pretty much reflect on most aspects of life on a daily basis. the past few days i've wanted to pull the old photo albums off the shelf and take some long strolls down memory lane.

it's unbelievable how fast time passes and how moments that were so very long ago can simply be resurrected through photographs and notes. i found myself recalling late night conversations and carefree days. i miss that time in my life, grateful that i lived it to the fullest.

buried under the photos and ticket stubs i found an envelope filled with notes from those who had crossed my path. some are still a vital part of my life and others have faded into the background. either way, i am always a bit surprised at how much people care about me and how they are willing to let me know. i don't mean to sound haughty or conceited, nor am i feigning humility; it is just surprising.

the real thoughts that have come to mind are, do those qualities and attributes i had ten years ago still reside in me? would those i know now say the same things? have i regressed in ways i should not have? i truly hope not, but it leaves me more to think about...

a double edged sword

it would be an understatement to say that my mind has been heavy laden of late. and today amid the myriad of thoughts that have floated in and out, came sentimentality.


i have always been a sentimental person. i tend to care deeply and quickly about people and things. ever since i was a child i would place value on various objects, days, or moments. and that is one thing that has remained the same, even as i have "grown up."

and so it has become my double-edged sword; being sentimental. my mundane life brightens when i think back to the year before, when on that specific day something extraordinary happened. but then comes the other side, the side where i can be having a perfectly lovely day, and of a sudden i remember something, or i see a certain spot or drive during a particular time of day, and my mind is flooded with memories that once were sweet and now have become, for the moment, a bit bitter.

september 11, 2001

as i was driving to work this morning, listening to npr, i thought, "unbelievable. it's been 6 years?" i still can't quite fathom it. i always take this day to remember by rereading old journals and newspaper clippings. it was such a surreal experience. sitting in my house in provo, watching what seemed to be an action movie, not reality. thinking, and slowly realizing, "that tower has fallen. those buildings are gone. is this the beginning of the end?"

some of those ideas may appear dramatic, but they weren't to me. my world stood still that day, and the next, and the next...

today as we said the pledge in school, i remember saying it at my job, septmeber 12, 2001, and for the first time having it really mean something; "one nation, under god, indivisible."

and indivisible is right. i watched as the pure and best part of the human spirit rose from it's hiding spot, where it remains so often, and took charge; took over. it did, for probably one of the first times in my life, make me extremely proud to be an american.

i think about how my life is still very much the same. and how i let meaningless events and obstacles affect me. that day should have changed me more. it should be a part of me in a way that it isn't.

so on this day i remember the dead, the brave, and the ones who were left behind.

"in a little while, this hurt will hurt no more..."-u2

staring at the keyboard, wanting to write, but having no words. the only thing that has been coming to mind all morning long seems to be song lyrics.

i have always believed there is great power in music. it stirs the heart and soul in a way very few things in this life can. it reaches into my pain and sadness as a comforting friend, letting me know that she understands; that she has been there and knows exactly how i feel. i take solace in this. it is remarkable.

i am a bit heartbroken, but the sadness will pass. the hurt will hurt no more. as stated by chris martin of coldplay, "...the hardest part was letting go, not taking part..." that is precisely the feeling of my heart. the taking part wasn't difficult, but the letting go will be.

i am a woman who cares deeply. it has been a blessing and a curse in my life. however, i wouldn't give that trait up. it makes me who i am. it also hinders the "letting go" process. at times i hold onto pain, just so that i can know that what i felt was actually real. how lucky i have been to be able to "take part."

so, i am grateful for music.

and once more, the feelings of my heart are summed up by lyrics:

"...louder, louder and we'll run for our lives. i can hardly speak i understand, why you can't raise your voice to say..."

observations on learning

i only have a few minutes, but really wanted to get my thoughts down before my next class comes in. my 7th graders have been working on an "emperor" project where they are to research and then set up a campaign for election. they started the research grudgingly (as only 7th graders can), but then something happened. i've seen them start to devour the information. they keep coming up to me and asking me if i knew this or that about one of the emperors. they are shocked at some of the unsuitable behavior and i have observed them make connections to how power changes people or how a truly good leader and remain good and noble always.

moments like these are rare in my profession, yet they are the reason why i do it. there is no other feeling like it. it makes every other normal or terrible day worthwhile. it reminds me that there is purpose to what i get up and do everyday. how did i get to be so lucky...?

conversations with my mother

or maybe i should really say emails back and forth with my mother, since she does not win "greatest communicator of the century"award. i do appreciate the manner in which she does try to communicate because though it be matter a fact, it is somehow brimming with love.

it's been interesting to read as she shares various thoughts and experiences which i have never been privy to. i have appreciated them and they have been very pertinent for my life at this time.

it once again reminds me of how grateful i should be to have such wonderful, loving, and supportive parents. they aren't "perfect" by any stretch of the imagination, but they are who i have needed and continue to need in this life. they fit me perfectly. i should remember that more often. my blessings in this life are truly undeserved.

uncertainty and the unknown

these are thoughts which constantly plague my mind, but today even more than ever. it is an interesting thing to have faith; to have trust. life is brimming with uncertainty and a plethora of unknowns-that cannot be altered. the question is, how to feel calm and serene when these powerful forces are beating you from every side.

there is a type of excitement that can come from the unknown. the anxious energy we derive from knowing a piece, but not all. however, this feeling is minor and fleeting compared to the heavy weight that bears down when we can't see, when we don't know, when we are afraid of what might be...

i believe i am a woman of faith most of the time. today, unfortunately, is not one of those days. i want to be strong. i want to trust that the unknown that is looming above me is not going to overtake me, but mustering the strength is becoming increasingly more difficult as the minutes and hours tick onward. if it were only possible for time to stand still...

books, books, and more books...

i've decided that i have a problem, a sickness if you will. i like books too much. i really do think that trying to read 3, maybe 4, different books at a time might be more than a person can handle. i also can't seem to stop buying them.

there are few things that i love more than walking into a bookstore. i love the smell of the paper, the cleverly illustrated covers, and the feeling that anything and everything in the world is at my fingertips. a flip of a page can transport to a far distant land, or into the mind of a troubled soul. i connect. i feel. i live the lives that i don't get to, and experience the lives that i'm fortunate not to have to live.

i don't know why i can't seem to get enough. i crave having books. the entire experience of reading is just that; an experience. there is something about practically utilizing all your senses that creates this moment of being completely enraptured. you hear the crack of the spine, smell the pages, feel the crispness between your fingers, and see the type as it flows smoothly, allowing you to enter in to an uncharted world.

am i a real blogger?

as i came to the realization that i haven't written "blogged" for almost a month, i ask myself, am i a real blogger? i like to believe that i am, but that the first month of school is a time when my job takes over (or i allow it to take over) my life. today i have a few extra minutes so i thought i'd do some writing.

i feel as if my mind is constantly in motion with not just the day to day thoughts, but with thoughts of the world, society, family, friends, and introspection in general. i have thought about kindness. about being a kind person in word and action. i love the quote from plato that says, "be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." I have been trying to have this in mind as i interact with others, especially those that frustrate me.

i have thought about being a better teacher. this is a constant thought because in my mind's eye i see how i want to be, but feel that i fall pretty far behind.

i've thought about how blessed i feel lately. about how i have been blessed abundantly and should remember that more often.

i've thought about mistakes; about making them; about how they affect us and others; about how i can make my weaknesses stronger.

i could really go on and on, but won't. now i may be a step closer to becoming a "real blogger."

mightier than the sword

i was thinking about the power of words tonight. thinking and writing about it, instead of sleeping (which i'll surely regret tomorrow) with just one remark or utterance one can provide solace and comfort, ire and aggravation, joy and affection, or a myriad of additional responses.

they may be thought out, or spontaneous. whatever or however they are used and voiced, they leave their mark.

often i lack control of my tongue. though the desire to always say the right thing is embedded in my heart and soul, i seldom follow through, finding myself staring out into the darkness wondering why i said the things that i did, and why they came out all wrong...

"don't cry because it's over. smile because it happened."-dr. seuss

so today is my "leaving the dc life" anniversary. i don't know why i feel the need to reminisce so often, but i do. i'm attached to my memories. it's so glorious that we can relive a moment solely through remembrance. i can look back and see how i've changed, or maybe how i've stayed the same.

i see those who were permanent fixtures of my everyday, who have now faded into the background. then, there are those who have remained; who are actually brighter than they might have been when we were together. you truly gain an appreciation for those who "knew" you; the real you. i miss them. i feel as if i have changed in this past year, and not necessarily for the best. i created this persona (or maybe i really was the persona?) in dc, the person i thought was me and i feel as if i have lost her somehow. the problem is, i don't know how and i'm not sure how to get her back, but those who knew me still believe i'm the same.

this is all sounding more melancholy and tragic than i meant for it to be. i remember driving away, seeing those well-known sites that still took my breath away, knowing they would no longer be a part of my world. but i was ready. i was ready to close that chapter and begin a new one. though i often open it up again so as to see familiar faces and recall the experiences that led me to starting anew.

"I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends."-walt whitman

i guess that maybe i shouldn't have a blog, since not writing regularly somewhat defeats the purpose...

this morning i was thinking about friendship. it's actually something i think about frequently.

abundance. that is my first thought when it comes to friendship. my entire life has been filled with others who have taught, stretched, and enlightened me. i have had friends who always make me laugh; others who understand me better than i understand myself; ones who "challenge" me, in more ways than one; and those who have loved me unconditionally.

what makes friendship something we seek out? something i seek out? i need others. i realized that more and more with the passing days.

i have become the woman who i am partly due to those who have been a part of my life thus far. i guess i want to thank all who graced my life with their presence, whether it was for a short period of time, or those who are still here with me.

my favorite things...or maybe just books

today the new york times has a reader's opinion sparked by harry potter asking: "what were your favorite books when you were a kid?" though in my heart of hearts i feel that i am still 11 years old, alas, i am not. but just for today i'm going to relive my childhood favorites.

here's my (abbreviated) list of favorites (as far as i can remember...):

the giving tree: i actually still have the copy i received when i was about 7. friendship has been a fundamental part of my life. every time i moved from one new place to another i cried my sad little girl tears and thought i'd never recover. i think this is why i loved (and still do)this book. the unconditional love the tree shows for the boy and silverstein's simplicity on the subject will be eternally touching.

bridge to terabithia-this novel carries the same type of message as the previous and the two following: friendship and it's lasting effects. it taught me what friends are truly for and how the people we select (or who select us) as friends will help mold us into who we will become.

where the red fern grows- who doesn't love this book? pretty much the same thoughts as with bridge to terabithia.

a cricket in times square-just a beautiful book. i still have the copy i had as a child of this one as well.

the lion, the witch and the wardrobe- i'm pretty certain it has been enchanting children since the day it was published. i heart cs lewis, his characters, his themes, and his way of truly creating a make believe world that as a child, i believed could actually exist.

a wrinkle in time- another enchanting book. though i do not read much fantasy nowadays, there is something about reading that genre as a child. maybe it's because our young minds are more receptive to creativity? maybe we are more likely to believe in the "unbelievable?"

choose your own adventure- man, i miss these books. there was such excitement and anticipation when reading these books. i loved the idea of having some responsibility in the resolution of the plot. genius idea, and i only wish kids read these more now. do they?

the little prince- is it possible to love a character as much as i love the little prince? i loved his simple comprehension of life. maybe it was because i felt as if he understood it as i did. i only wish we could hold on to more of that childlike perception.


i really could go on and on. the more i sit and think about what i read as a child, the more i want to add to this list. it's actually been lovely to revisit the past in this way. it's different than just reminiscing. i do believe that the books we read as children become a part of us and stay with us always. i think that may be why i love reading so much. the indelible impressions books leave on the soul makes me feel alive, it makes me feel connected to something greater than myself.

a new day, a new beginning

i have been thinking about the ability to start anew. it is one of my favorite things about life. i can create a disaster in one day, but have a fresh start the next. i can be sullen, melancholy, or just exhausted, however, once i slumber, i awake to a new day, a new beginning. what a fascinating and blessed aspect of living.

and on this day of thoughts filled with new beginnings, i have had ee cummings in my head. maybe because my mind has been pondering all the beautiful things that i know? (and now i may be officially making myself sick...oh well, what is one to do when feeling joyful?) i love his style and his content. his poems express what i have often, hope, or aspire to feel. this one is my favorite. maybe it's because of my hopeless romantic side which dreams of emotions such as these for someone and from someone.

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

-ee cummings

y ganan otra vez

hoy es el dia de espanol para este blog. p ienso que es apropiado porque ayer ganaron mis muchachos argentinos otra vez. una vez mas, van al final de la copa america contra brazil. como siempre, espero que puedan ganar (porque todos saben sobre la rivalidad de los dos paises). vamos, vamos, argentina! que viva el albiceleste!

one of those days

do you ever have those moments when you wish you could trade your life in for a new one? it's not necessarily due to any particular aspect of your life, but just an instance where you feel stagnant, alone, and maybe just indifferent. today is one of those days; one of those moments.

of course, if you asked me what i would trade it in for, i couldn't answer. i have no idea. just something new. something exciting. something more meaningful than what i feel i have today.

but give me another 5 minutes, another hour, or another day and i would turn around and tell you how perfect my life is-how it is simple, but complete. i'm often amused at the contradiction i feel i have become. so many times i am sure that i have it all together, that i know exactly who i am and where i'm headed. and then "one of those days" sidles in right next to me, throwing my life off kilter. c'est la vie...

and it begins...

so i figured if everyone else on this green earth can blog, why can't i? i'm not quite sure what this blog will be for, but i love the idea of flying by the seat of my pants and having full control of everything and anything that goes on in this one little webpage. i may even blog in english and in espanol if i feel so inspired. ahh, the possibilities are endless. i love when the world is my oyster.