"in all things it is better to hope than to despair"-goethe

i've been working on this post now for a few days and the words just don't seem to be coming out quite right. here i go any how...


hope has been on my mind quite a bit this past week for various reason. in actuality, it is probably what i think about the most overall. the reasons vary but overriding them all is that i am not as hopeful as i wish i could be and haven't learned how to implement real hope in my life.

i want to hope. especially now, in these very moments of my life, i need it more than i need anything else.

i believe in hope. i draw strength from the hope others have for themselves and for me. i find myself trying to be like abraham "who against hope believed in hope."

not sure how it all works, but have to trust that it does...that hope actually is"believing that a positive outcome is possible even when there is some evidence to the contrary."

so i move forward. "plowing in hope" as paul said. i work and ready the soil of my heart and soul for what is to come next, trying to use my eyes of faith.

i leave you with one of many wise words spoken by the beloved elder neal a. maxwell:

"However, enduring and submitting are not passive responses at all, but instead are actually more like being braced sufficiently to report for advanced duties, while carrying—meekly and victoriously—bruises from the previous frays....Therefore, whatever our humble furrow, we are to 'plow in hope.'"

"we thank thee o god for a prophet..."

as i have been contemplating the passing of our beloved prophet, president gordon b. hinckley, i cannot help but feel awe and gratitude. i feel privileged that my formative years coincided with his presidency. so much of who i have become has been influenced by this gracious, kind, and loving man who taught me to always strive to be better, kinder, softer and most of all, to not be ashamed of my testimony of the lord.

i feel honored to have learned from him.

and though he will be missed terribly, i smile to think of his happy return home, to his wife and his god.

and so today in my heart i sing, "we thank thee o god for a prophet, to guide us in these latter days..."

un poco mas...

ahh! it's the day and i am so behind. how my birthday got here so quickly it is beyond me, but here i am, 30 years old. so here come the rest and be ready because this one will be long.

12. technology. i have seen the exponential growth of technology in my lifetime. i remember the days before cell phones and email. and now i seem to not be able to survive without instant messages, texts, and emails. i love that i can be in contact with all the important people in my life almost instantaneously.

13. communication. i believe it makes the world go round. and though at times it is not my strongest talent, i try my best to let people know how i feel. it is what ties us together and draws us close to one another.

14. gifts. and i don't mean presents necessarily, but more of gifts of love, time, talents, the spirit, kindness, etc. i have been abundantly blessed with more gifts than i deserve.

15. guilty pleasures. though these are not meaningful i enjoy having them. whether it is a particular tv show, movie, magazine, song, or any other form of "entertainment" i am grateful for them.

16. art. i have discussed this in a previous post. very few things move me as much as this. to have beauty created in various forms, the contrast of light and dark, shapes, colors, mediums. i love it all.

17. school. this is pretty much my life. i am an educator through and through. although at times when i am challenged i want to quit, i know that i could never really desire anything else.

18.the ocean. there is something about staring out into that vast expanse and feeling so small yet a part of something greater.

19. new beginnings. i am so grateful to be able to make changes and start anew.

20. hope. i think my life would be unlivable without hope. even when life and experience dictates that i should let go of my hope, i don't. and for that i am grateful.

21. prayer. i could write many things on this topic but worry they would come out sounding trite instead of sincere. i am humbled by the opportunity and ability to communicate with god.

23. music apparently most of the things i am grateful for also happen to be my passions. so with that i ask you to see "passions" and "in a little while..." for more on this topic.

24. simple pleasures. i've feel that i have been blessed with the ability to enjoy the simple things in life. a calvin and hobbes comic, a funny commercial, seeing the sun shine through the clouds, flowers growing on the side of the freeway, a good parking spot-the list could go on. these i consider my simple pleasures.

25. home. in the literal as well as figurative sense. i've been blessed to live in comfortable, clean, warm homes my entire life. i know this is something i take for granted when so many in this world lack a roof over their heads.

26. sadness. this may seem odd to most as something one would be grateful for, but this emotion is so raw and deep. there is a beauty to it that i have always felt. i find it in books i read, music i listen to, or moments in my life that have captured that beautiful tragic sadness.

27. contrast. light and dark. despair and joy. love and hate. hot and cold. i appreciate the contrast that is found in the world. i love it because of the perspective and hope it has brought into my life.

28. memories. i have also blogged about this in the past. i feel so lucky to be able to relive a moment, day, week just by my memories. i love the reminders they give when my hope does wane. or the smile they bring to my face as i look back on moments, whether fondly or with a bit of sadness, and see what i have learned and how i have grown.

29. virtue/purity. i appreciate the concept of being clean, of being whole and pure. not only that, but also the virtuous and pure objects, concepts, ideas, and people that i am able to interact with.

30. gospel of jesus christ. this probably should have been first on the last, but somehow it seems fitting to place it at the 30 spot. at the culmination of it all. as i thought about why i didn't place it earlier i realized that it is because everything i have in my life, everything on this list, i have because of this gospel, because i have been blessed with the truth. to know of a plan, to know of a god who loves me and cares for me, to know of the mercy and renewal that come through the atonement of jesus christ. i am fortunate that the gospel has managed to seep into all areas of my life. i'm not sure how it happened, but hope to continue on the same path.

7 more days...

until the big day (my birthday,not something else:)

life took a turn for the "busy" this past month including illnesses and just work and holiday regularities. so now i find myself with only 7 days until i'm 30 and 24 more things to write about. all of a sudden i feel quite a bit of pressure so...here i go...

7. trials. most will either think that i am insane or attempting to be uber righteous/religiously cheesy. but with all the honesty in my heart i can say that i am grateful for the hardships i have faced. granted, there have been few (which also makes me grateful!)but i know without a doubt that i am becoming the person i need to be through them. i have to be compelled to be humble. i have to have my heart broken so that i am also contrite in spirit and willing to let others help me. it is not something i am proud of, but i am grateful that those less than pleasant moments come, so that i can change in the necessary ways.

8. health. also very cliche, this i know, but i cannot imagine what it would be like to live a life with burdened with disease. i see the struggles and amazing strength of those around me who have to fight constant illness or pains that are out of their control-it is humbling. i get an occasional cold/flu etc., but am overall healthy. all my limbs are accounted for. i see. i hear. i feel. i speak. i think and process. i take all of these for granted much too much and so here, today, i remember how lucky i am for physical well-being.

9. great writings. this is nothing new. i appreciate great lyrics, books, articles, essays, poems, you name it. from emerson and thoreau to hugo, rand, and foer. their words have become a part of who i am.

10-laughter. i adore silliness. laughter is the route i choose to travel on when life gets a little too tough. i have been blessed with family members and friends who have fantastic senses of humor and who i believe are some of the funniest people i will ever know. there is nothing like the laughter of little children or laughing so hard that you are crying and gasping for breath.

11. beauty. i may be too broad with some of these and definitely feel as if i am repeating items from past blog entries. oh well...i have been given the gift of seeing beauty in everything. i have to be careful when i drive because i'll notice the way the sun shines through the clouds or the random flowers growing on the side of the road. art, leaves, faces, buildings, scenery: i am fond of them all.

13 going on 30 continues...

so i have some extra time on my hands, and since i have been contemplating the aspects of my life that i have been grateful for in the last 29 years, here are some more:

5. love. i have been blessed with this virtue on so many levels. my parents and family members love me unconditionally; a gift so many lack in this world. friends that have come, gone, or stayed also have provided care and warmth in my life.

though i have not had "outwardly visual" talents bestowed upon me, i do believe i have been given the talent of love. it may sound odd to call the virtue of "love" a talent, but i believe, in my case, it is. i try to give love to all those in my sphere. despite the fact that i am definitely not perfect at it, i am willing and able to love. though at times it is not returned, i'm convinced that is the only way to live; the only way to feel alive.

6. forgiveness. many have chosen to forgive my shortcomings and flaws; my moments of weakness and my lack of self control.

though it is not something that comes easily to me, i have been given the opportunity to forgive those who have caused pain or sorrow in my life. i know that growth occurs each time.

ultimately i am most indebted to the forgiveness that is bestowed by my savior jesus christ. it is humbling, wonderful, and beyond my comprehension.

apparently i thought i had more to say tonight than i do. on that note, i'm off for now, with, as always, more thoughts to come...

13 going on 30

the illusive 30. a pivotal year, right? it has been looming over my head for all of 29, anxiously waiting to swoop down and capture its new prey.

so instead of focusing on all the negatives that are supposed to accompany this dreaded age, i am starting my "top 30 list of all the awesomeness that has led up to my turning 30." this will be an ongoing post that i add to, since i don't think i can do all 30 in one sitting. here goes:

1-the endless number of "perfect days" i have lived through. and by perfect i mean clear blue skies that contrast the green or red leaves as i feel the warmth of the sun hit my skin. i have experiences these days all over the world.

2-travels. i grew up in south america, lived with my family in europe, and vacationed throughout the united states. there is so much left to see and i look forward to a life of traveling.

3-goodly parents. i would be lost without them. they have allowed me to grow into the woman that i am (i don't know if i even feel comfortable using the woman to describe myself!) i have an incredibly independent mother and a nurturing father, both who unconditionally love me and all those around them. they have taught by example. they are good. they are loving. they are my friends. hopefully i will grow up to be like them.

4-friendships. i have blogged about this before and i don't think i could write about it enough. i remember my best friend sara in second grade and that i cried my little 7 year old eyes out when we moved to ecuador. and the tears came again when i left my 3 best friends in ecuador to move back to the states at 11 years old. once again, the waterworks came(as you can see i might be a bit of a crier when it comes to changes in my life...) when i left my dear friend sara (who helped me survive my middle school years) as i embarked to florida.

and then came my years at byu where i met friends that i will have forever. now dc and california have introduced me to some of the finest men and women who i look forward to associating with for the rest of my life. these are my treasures. these are the ones who i rely on, who teach me, who love me, who make me the person i am.

stayed tuned for the next 26...

passions

our passions are woven into our being and in many ways define us.

i have always considered myself a passionate person. that may sound a bit narcissistic, but i believe most of us are passionate about something.

i realized that i don't think most of the people that know me here in california know what i am passionate about. i wonder if they would even use that as an adjective to describe me? this thought has been quite disconcerting.


so to start, these are some of the things that i consider my passions:
-art. i fell in love with art history my freshman year of at college. those 4 years gave me the greatest gift: the ability to see beauty in everything.

-music. i don't play an instrument (ok, maybe i can pluck out a song or two on the guitar...) and i love singing, but wasn't blessed with a lovely voice. regardless, music is such a powerful force in my life. it speaks to me in a unique way whether it's the melancholy violin, rock guitar, or melodious piano.

-books. "when I read a book I seem to read it with my eyes only, but now and then I come across a passage, perhaps only a phrase, which has a meaning for me, and it becomes part of me." -w. somerset maugham. nothing could sum up my adoration for books better than this quote. it's unbelievable at times that words on a page and become woven into who i am. another quote i love: "we read to know we are not alone" (cs lewis) i read to become more. i read to connect and know that others have felt as i have and have put those feelings into words.


-languages. i am fortunate enough to be bilingual and am eternally grateful for that gift. speaking spanish has become more of a passion for me as i have grown older. i realize what a treasure it is, how it shapes me. not only do i love my first language, but i have this grandiose goal of learning all the romance languages. there is something lovely and mellifluous when hearing anything spoken in italian, french, or portugese.


-education. this is a passion that increases each day. i have taught for 4 years now and it's fascinating to observe this growth. there are days when i am ready to completely give up, but overall, i yearn to make changes, to improve, to touch the lives of those i teach. i hope to keep this passion alive always. as for myself, i am often overwhelmed at how much information and knowledge is left to acquire, but i look forward to a life of learning.

and now i realize, i have gone on long enough. bless the heart of anyone who actually reads through all of this.

some final thoughts.

passions are not only intrinsic but sparked by others. i am often drawn to those who are passionate; it doesn't matter where their passions lie. there is shear joy that can come from associating with people who have personal passions and appreciate yours.